I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
