Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
