This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am one with the molecules
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
