you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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