You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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