where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
