He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
