my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
