Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
