Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Damn victory sex feels great
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
