We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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