i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
