Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
