haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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