i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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