Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
