Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
