He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You pole danced in your parka.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
