bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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