First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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