i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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