I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
