Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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