dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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