you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
