Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
