I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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