apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
