I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Couch. On fire.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
