We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
