i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
