just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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