Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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