I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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