dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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