i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
