I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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