Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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