I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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