obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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