I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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