I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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