great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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