you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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