So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
