Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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