I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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