Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Someone shit on the floor
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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