i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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