look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
