She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My liver just broke up with me...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
