we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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