If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
